It's been ages since I updated. The depression that I've been holding back on throughout the whole ordeal with E is finally hitting me, along with the fact that I have to move back in with my father for the time being. My mom is trying to move down here, but it doesn't seem like there's much interest in her house. If she can't get down here, I don't know what I'm going to do. My dad lost his job, so if he doesn't get another soon he's going to have to sell his house. Homes in Florida sell rather quickly, so if he puts his on the market I may be without a home.
Also, when I graduate, I will no longer have health insurance, I am really feel like I should be getting some kind of long-term therapy at this point, because I have realized that I have violent thoughts and say violent things more often than the average person. However, that is not as much of a concern as the idea that I may have to move back to Des Moines if my mom can't get the house sold be December.
I started dating a close friend of mine. He's right for me in so many ways, but my heart is just broken right now. He helps me to feel happy, though, and tells me when I'm worring too much. The best thing is that he never trivializes any of the things I'm going through, nor does he try to "fix" my problems for me.
Eric and I still talk to each other pretty frequently, and he seems to be getting better every day. We had a long talk the other day. I took him out to St. Pete to see an herbal doctor, and I'm going to take him out there again at the end of the month after he sees the eye doctor. All of his friends have stopped calling me. I've felt pretty alone through all of this, and I told him that the other day. He didn't get mad at me or try to explain things. He finally got it, how alone and hurt I had felt, and we cried together. I told him that I love him very much, but that I didn't see a future for us because he is 15 years older than me, and even though I want a family, I don't want that for another 10 years or so. It's really hard for me to be rational about this, because my heart wants things to be different.
I'm supposed to be working on a screenplay for my thesis right now, but I haven't even started to write it. I keep putting it off, telling myself and other's that it's because I don't know the format and need the Final Draft software. I finally ordered the software, so when it gets here, its time to stop making excuses.
8:09 p.m. - Thursday, Jul. 15, 2004
Recent entries:
Birdwatcher - Sunday, Mar. 29, 2009
- - Sunday, Mar. 11, 2007
Keep Your Pants On - Sunday, Dec. 17, 2006
It's Easier This Way - Monday, Oct. 30, 2006
I Could Have Left You Forever - Monday, Oct. 30, 2006
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