I found my journal from high school the other night when I was at my mother's old house. She just bought a new on that she is moving into with her fiance. Nearly every entry was about a boy that has come into my life. It's scary the way I loved when I was younger. It was downright obsession. Now I can't remember the last time I felt real love. It must have been with Sean.

I met someone whom I've been speaking with for nearly four months through email today. He has green eyes, is a librarian, and is the only man I know who listens to Marnie Stern and enjoys it. I have a boyfriend. It is not this Jason who lives in Iowa City. It is Benjamin. I had a feeling this would happen when I met Jason. I've been doubting my relationship for some time, and Jason seems like everything I would want. But it seems silly to break up with Benjamin because I'm not in love with him and there is this other guy who lives 2 hours away who seems to be completely amazing who's just ended a 10 year relationship 6 months ago. If I don't snatch him up, someone else will. If they do, I guess it's not meant to be. I will see him again Friday.

6:16 p.m. - Sunday, Mar. 29, 2009