It's very hard, when you've spent so much time trying to get over something that happened to you, and you think it's over with... but then something jars that memory in you, that gut instinct, and you feel like falling to pieces.
Sometimes I wish I had never met you. I've been in an out of love with you too many times to count since we met four years ago. Part of me wonders if this is why I am so crazy, the fact that I always fall in love with you.
My favorite time falling in love with you was last summer, when I came back after being gone for a month. You kissed every inch of my body and told me you loved me while we were making love. But I could never trust that, trust that you loved me. I don't think I will ever trust you.
I still can't believe that this means so much to me. I keep asking myself what was so special, what you did that was different from anyone else. What was it? I wish I knew.
The one thing I know you are good at is breaking my heart. Maybe that's my addiction.
This isn't meant to be melodramatic. I don't even feel depressed. I just feel a lot of regret.
I don't know if I will ever be this crazy about anyone over again. I think it might kill me.
You know the part I wish I could do over again the most? That day in the car when you asked me why you shouldn't sleep with other girls. I wouldn't tell you I was in love with you. I think you knew it. You had to know it. I wish I had told you. I was in love with you.
It hurt.
1:44 a.m. - Saturday, Oct. 30, 2004
Recent entries:
Birdwatcher - Sunday, Mar. 29, 2009
- - Sunday, Mar. 11, 2007
Keep Your Pants On - Sunday, Dec. 17, 2006
It's Easier This Way - Monday, Oct. 30, 2006
I Could Have Left You Forever - Monday, Oct. 30, 2006
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