I was really nervous about going out with Ryan, right up until I pulled into his driveway Wednesday night. Once I got there, everything was okay. I think my main problem is that I when I want something to happen, I don't like to plan it in advance. When plans get made, I sit around worrying about things, whereas if I do things on the spur of the moment I'm "okay". Part of it is the formality (we know I'm not that formal of a girl), and the other part is that I overanalyze things when I have time to think about them.
Anyway, many things about Wednesday night were great. Ryan told me how nice I looked several times throughout the night (he evened mentioned my painted fingernails at one point). I think I actually may have made him nervous. He kept biting his cuticles and playing with his hair throughout the date. Of course, I had to go to the bathroom like six times (nervous habit of mine-- it's rather embarrassing). He made a joke about there being "magic powder" in the bathroom. I found that comment a bit humorous, because I've often wondered if my need to go to the bathroom so much makes people think I have a cocaine habit.
First dates are a bit superficial, I have to say. I learned that Ryan likes Woody Allen and a bit more about his family, and he told me about a really interesting short story that he's written. Led Zeppelin and the Rolling Stones are his "foundation". I made some retarded comment about how I want both played at my wedding. Damnit! I just realized I mentioned marriage on a first date. I'm really hoping he didn't read into that or anything... However, I didn't ask anything about him wanting children, although he did go on for a bit about how much he loves his nephews and I wanted to ask. I definitely did not want him to think that I'm going around looking for someone to have children with.
He pays attention to things that I say and do without my realizing it, which makes me a bit nervous. Why don't we just lay out a blanket statement that "nearly everything he does makes me a bit nervous".
Although we talked quite a bit in the car on the way to and from the club, we spent most of the night listening to the music. I have no complaints about that... I think it was some of the best live jazz I have ever heard. I would have actually liked to stay longer, but Ryan was (and possibly is still) sick and wanted to leave (I'm sure he probably noticed that I was yawning, too).
I absolutely love(d) the club. The jazz was amazing, the decor was nice, and my house salad (yeah, that's all I had to eat) consisted of real lettuce (instead of iceberg).
Also, I have to say that I talk ENTIRELY TOO MUCH. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't want to go out with me again because I can't shut up. Of course, I was surprised that he even called me in the first place.
He didn't kiss me at the end of the night, but I think that he may be the kind of guy who doesn't kiss on the first date, anyway. I grabbed his arm before he went inside and kissed him on the cheek, though. I can't believe that I am actually worried that my kissing him on the cheek might have been a bit aggressive.
Anyway, he hasn't called me yet. I don't expect him to. It's much easier for me to just assume the worse and think that he believes I am a liberal feminist floozy with a cocaine habit. Ha ha.
Frankly, he's given me the impression that he's a bit of a flake. During one of the first conversations I had with him around six months ago, he told me he had never been in love. My response was something like, "That's crazy. You're twenty-nine years old and you've never been in love?" Also, he told me he just kind of "scraped by" in his undergraduate program (those may not have been his exact words), and he doesn't plan on using the degree he got in civil engineering. When I asked him if he could play jazz on bass and how often he practices, he told me he's only been playing for a few years, and he doesn't practice that much. So, he's either just as flaky or flakier than I am. I'm leaning toward flakier. But that's me making a judgment before I know the guy all that well. Just giving my first impression. I also think he's a bit self-conscious (the biting the fingernails bit wasn't really turning me on). I think I either annoy him or scare him, although I know he would never say either to my face. I've noticed he has a habit of judging other people whom he doesn't know and/or making fun of them. Not to say that I've never been guilty of doing that, but it makes me wonder if he makes fun of me when I'm not around.
Worse case scenario: He waits until February 18th to see me again (he agreed to see The Tempest with me) and tells me that although he thinks I'm "a really nice girl", he's not interested in dating me. At this point, knowing my luck, he won't be interested in being my friend either because he thinks I'm a cocaine user who wants to get married listening to the Rolling Stones "Beast of Burden".
I know I did one thing right, and that was to point out that no one really likes a director who stars in his own films unless the role he is playing is self-deprecating. Woody Allen-- good. Kevin Costner and Kenneth Branagh-- bad.
Stay tuned for more babbling and perhaps a few nuggets of wisdom... Who knows, Ryan could shock the hell out of me and ask me out on a second date.
12:50 a.m. - Saturday, Jan. 31, 2004
Recent entries:
Birdwatcher - Sunday, Mar. 29, 2009
- - Sunday, Mar. 11, 2007
Keep Your Pants On - Sunday, Dec. 17, 2006
It's Easier This Way - Monday, Oct. 30, 2006
I Could Have Left You Forever - Monday, Oct. 30, 2006
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