I believe that in my last entry I was concerned with Eric's ex-girlfriend. He and I talked and I am not worried about any women, especically not his ex. I'm not going to trivialize the way I was feeling and say it was unfounded, but the simple fact is that I have nothing to worry about, period.
I realized something frightening yesterday: I am head-over-heels. Part of me is thrilled about this, but big part of my psyche is worried that I will turn into some kind of paranoid psycho-beast. However, I trust Eric immensely, and he is very good at discussing my paranioa with me, so I think all will be fine.
Life has been full lately. Yes, full. That's the only word I can use to describe it. Some days it's pleasantly full, and others I'm a bit uncomfortable.
I changed my mind about graduate school for the thrid time, and am now passionately in love with archeology. I talked things over with my mom and I decided that taking at least a semester off before making any decisions is the best idea. I'm sort of burned out on school right now, and my mom can see that. I had three panic attacks about the story I was writing for Fiction 3, which was a bit embarassing.
The weather has been beautiful and I am in love, and it reminds me of the day I lost my virginity. For me, the world had a sense of peacefulness that day. It was a transition, and I remember being amazed that I didn't look differently in the mirror.
And now, with all that Eric and I have been through, it's as if I have transitioned into something else. I look in the mirror and feel beautiful. I feel like a beautiful person every day. It's like the first time I fell in love, all over again.
My room may be a disaster, and my car may be my second home, but inside I'm holding things together. It's almost as if I need to be disorganized on the outside. I don't really understand it, but for some reason I don't feel right when things are clean... I feel like my space isn't lived in. Also, I'm the only one who can navigate the jungle (that is my room) comfortably, which keeps the space mine, all mine.
This entry could go on for ages, as I haven't written in a month, but I need to pick Eric up from physical therapy. To be continued?
10:35 a.m. - Thursday, Apr. 22, 2004
Recent entries:
Birdwatcher - Sunday, Mar. 29, 2009
- - Sunday, Mar. 11, 2007
Keep Your Pants On - Sunday, Dec. 17, 2006
It's Easier This Way - Monday, Oct. 30, 2006
I Could Have Left You Forever - Monday, Oct. 30, 2006
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